Loveless Part 1

Is anyone of you out there feeling that nobody loves you? That you also find it hard to love due to so many disappointments? Had a broken family? Betrayed many times? Or maybe you're not able to be loved bcoz of a defect that u have? etc. U know what I mean...

I have friends which fit the above categories. I don't really know what to say when they compare themselves with other "happier" people who have good families, etc.

I would like to say that God's love is enough but clearly those words don't mean anything to them (even we ourselves are still discovering God and are so forgetful although God has shown His love in the past)

I was looking for examples or role models. If God is love, then how come I can't think of at least one person who has gone through tough times and seen God's faithfulness? How come? I prayed and asked God from time to time.

Guess what? The person I was looking for has always been there. Who else can be a better and reliable example than my one and only MOM????

Yup. The queen of my house. Since my bro and I were young, she has been telling us her life stories. She forgets and repeats them again and again sometimes. She even showed us all the love letters my dad wrote to her. Fuiyo, got macam-macam lo - cartoons,stickers,poems, etc. I never really saw that creative side in my dad.

I would like to tell every challenge my mom had to go through but some things are not that suitable to reveal here yet. I'll try to summarize.

She never stayed with her own mom most of the time but was stayed with her aunt. Life was kinda like Cinderella coz she had gone through tough times from the "evil" aunt, 1 cousin sister and 1 adopted sister. That aunt never treated my mom well. Of coz la, not her own ma. She was well known for her unpleasant attitude and foul mouth.

In a gist, my dad was in the picture and they left for KL to work when they were 17(if i'm not wrong). My mom never finished secondary school and had lots of red ink in her report book.

I don't want to go into details about what my dad did since those days till now. Only very few out there know. All i can say any woman wouldn't want to be in my mom's shoes. (There's just so much but i can't tell, so don't look down on the immense pain my mom had to go through)

Even my bro and I also contributed tomom's headache and heartache. Haha. Maybe I caused more la. lolz

What's the point of me telling you all this???????

Well, the story isn't complete if I don't tell you a few things she did right, which brought her to where she is today. This is no joke coz mom was really really hurt throughout her life.

I've heard people say that there's no point in loving, in sowing into others' lives, in doing good, in giving, etc. Mom chose to love. She chose to invest love into other lives. Indeed, she had to learn and be broken by God here and there in order to deal with certain "inner monsters" which developed due to her past and bitterness.

Among the things she did were as follows.
-she took care of her old and sick mom who didn't really take care of her when she was young.

-she also went back to that eveil aunt to share the gospel only to be bombarded. Mom faithfully prayed for her. It had to happen. The evil old aunt had cancer. Who brought her home and took care of her? Yup, mom did so and this time, the aunt accepted Jesus. Unthinkable.

-dad. Countless time already lah my mom forgave him. haih...Enuf said.

-she continued to invest in others' lives despite our financial difficulty

-she tried to reach out and love the cousin sister only to be betrayed and threatened. That's another story. All i can say is God avenged us.

-that adopted sister pula very ungrateful. Lazy to talk bout her lah.. -almost every time it was my mom who went to make right with "those women" who seem to love to step on my mom's tail.

ok..my mind is lagging now. Can't say anymore although there's more.

Conclusion, my mom followed Jesus when she was 17(i think)and never turned back despite so many many tough times. She learned and obeyed God's principles and most importantly, she never neglected love. She never received the love she wanted from people but as she chose to give first, she lived a better life instead of a bitter one. I don't have time to tell you the good things she received form God.

Clearly, she had to rely on the one and only person who really loves her,God. Even my bro and I fail her all the time.

That's all for now.
XOXO
gossipboy ( can't resist coz last nite i just watched it on TV)

lol lol lol lol

;p

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Fighting your own battles

Do we really need people to support us all the time?

Sometimes I'm speechless when I hear people say that they aren't loved or don't have the support that the fortunate ones get from their loved ones. I can't say that I'm where I am today because of my own effort coz i needed support from other people.

But, there are many battles we have to fight alone. Coz when I think of it, I had to go through so many things on my own. Till this day I rarely have friends close enough to share everything with. It seems people can tell me so many things but I can't do likewise. I guess i was meant to be a listener. It seems I have to give advice and not receive advice most of the time.

They say u can tell you family members your problems and get support. Please, that only happens once in a blue moon. In fact, our parents can't understand many things we go through and they may even scold you or give you a lecture. Sometimes they overreact and get worried unnecessarily.

So, I feel we can't complain that we don't have people to love and support us. In fact, these people who "love" us can be a hindrance at times.

When you go to the gym,who carries the weights? Your gym friends? Or do you carry them alone? The trainer and others can only give you advice. The rest is up to you.

Not to forget, I have faith that God is my supporter behind the scenes. Clearly, He seems distant at times but He has proven to be faithful not because of what I did. Perhaps, all I did was believe. Perhaps it was just faith as tiny as the mustard seed. Oh yeah, really that small...

God can be your gym trainer, who at times lets you train alone. You think He should be always there to guide you. But, don't you think what He said to you was enough for a period of time? He gave certain instructions and advice earlier on and now it is all up to you to be disciplined.

I got no mood to blog bout my battles now la but I think you all have your own battles to fight ALONE. I mayhave gotten proud at times but I know that without God, I'd be nothing.

Here's a nice song I came across not long ago.

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Internal beauty

I don't think i have time to blog bout this coz portions of it are in the comments section for the "i'm fat" post.
I responded to a friend's comments. I don't think most of you knows her so it's ok la.
I'm certainly no expert but we all have opinions to share right?

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I'm fat (Part 1)

It's time for a controversial topic. ;p

Won't any girl get irritated when you hear a normal sized girl say that she's fat????
Haiyo, even i cannot tahan lo. From my eyes(and others), she is just fine. But why all the fuss??

Next. A friend made a comment bout something and it was related to a "fat" girl who among the people in the conversation. This girl was kinda pissed of by his comments.. This story was told to me by a friend, who is a girl. She in fact feels that that girl shouldn't react that way coz she is
clearly fat and that comment was not meant to criticize or degrade her at the first place.

Whether you're a guy or a girl, if you're fat, u know it. But why aren't you doing anything about it? Have you come to accept that you were meant to be that way? Why do you have to eat so much???

I know it's easy for me to say coz I have a normal weight. My mom says my face is a bit thinner than normal. This is another story.

Some say that they are single coz nobody wants them, coz they are fat. haih. It'd be great if everyone could say that inner beauty is what that matters most. Let's dig further.

I get irritated when girls say that guys only want the slim girls. Clearly, i also observe that gals also are picky when it comes to the physical attributes of men. Yes or not? They say they want a guy who loves them and understands them etc etc but don't tell me you don't mind his weight???
Ok ok. This is just a general statement. I have seen many couples happy together regardless of size; and the heart is all that matters. Both men and women should and will need to learn to love the person for who he or she is.

Is it really true that size doesn't matter when it comes to love? I know we all should love regardless of outer attributes. Yes we should and must learn to. But shouldn't we make more effort to stay fit?

Why? coz if you get any sickness or physical problems due to obesity, who suffers??? YOU and YOUR loved ones of coz. And if you're not insured, the hospital bills will be a burden. Also, time is wasted coz you can't do things at a normal pace and if u get sick, someone has to take care of you. (i know this is getting too far but it does affect some ppl)

Plus, girls, i know that it'll be harder to get those clothes u crave for if you're overweight. Or u can't wear them coz it doesn't suit your "michelin" body. lolz. My mom would scold me if i pinch the fat on her stomach and say "michelin". So mean rite? haha


This topic has suddenly turned into "being fit". Can you be fat and fit at the same time? I always marvel at how Sammo Hung manages to do all those martial arts moves despite his size. I know it'd be great if we could make him a role model. But he works hard to be as fit as possible. I really doubt he could do the things he did if he doesn't train hard for it.

I'm very sure there are people out there who are fat genetically. Fine. Clearly it would be so much tougher for you to lose weight. But if put enough effort, you'd still be fit( as possible), which is better that being fat and unfit.

Oh yes, then there's another group who'll be pissed at people like me coz we say things so easily, coz we're genetically normal sized.
They have come to a conclusion that inner beauty is all that matters. Life is too short to be anxious over your weight. Why should i care bout what i eat? They love themselves for how they are and don't want to care what others say. They sing the Christina Aguilera song "Beautiful".
Indeed, the song is inspiring. We should know that we are beautiful no matter what others say coz we don't want words to bring us down. Of coz, this song not only involves weight but other physical attributes.

Well, take it from a friend of mine. She can't stand girls and guys who don't make the effort to be fit. I saw her struggle as she fought to be strong and fit. I saw the results. It took lots of time and discipline. Most aren't willing to or just can't make the time. She says all these are just lame excuses.

People can always tell us stories of those who are happy in life despite their weight. It's like pointing at Bill Gates and saying that he is rich despite not finishing school. Whether we like it or not, we still had to study hard. If u still fail, then u look for other opportunities. Btw, i didn't study hard enuf but still enuf to get me to where I am. I tried. I'm sure we all have our reasons or excuses. But if we don't try at all, nothing's gonna change.

No pain, no gain. Remember, it's not only you who suffer but your loved ones.

I really wonder what people will think about how i see girls after they've read this topic. Am I the type who very choosy bout the physical attributes of a girl? This will be another topic for another time.

For those who think you are fat but you're not..."slap"

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Love and tests

Forgive me, friends who read my blog, if you're not a Christian and you seem to see God here and there is my posts. I'll blog other stuff whenever I can. Seriously, you need God too.

Even if you're a christian, u may get bored of it...haha. I would. But bear with me lah...I'm just making it a habit to blog down stuff as I think about them.

If you're too lazy to read all, then at least ponder these words.

Do we really love God?
We can never really love God without the Holy Spirit's help. If we were really tested,
we'd fail most of the time. So, just accept His grace and then learn to change step
by step. Don't just give up coz u don't feel love for God. Love is also a choice.
_______________________________________________________________ ;p



Why are we tested?

Would you like your bf/gf/spouse to test your love for her/him?

If you really loved a person, you wouldn't test him/her right?

This question may have popped out: Why does God test his people?

A typical response would be that God wants to purify your faith. It is true but
people just aren't convinced. Honestly, who likes to be tested? Don't most of us
dread exams? (Especially if it's a new topic and there's no past year questions)

"Shit happens". A friend told me she saw a shirt with those words.

As much as we hate it, bad things/tests/whatever do happen.

1 Peter 1:6
...though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

(May OR If need be — Means that trials are not always needful. It happens only when God sees it to be the best means for your spiritual profit.)

From this,we can see God loves us and He wants us to GROW UP! Therefore we are tested.

But then, if we say God tests us to see if we love Him, then how??
If your parents or gf/bf/spouse really tests you, do you think you'll pass the test?

My answer is I won't pass all the time! When you think of it, most of us fail to really love
others. What more if our love for God is tested?

People may say that they feel they can't love God. Honestly, who can really love God?
We were first forgiven. Then, we develop our love for God.

Ups and downs.
Feelings and choices. Sometimes you're on fire, sometimes you're not. We depend on the Holy Spirit to grow in love with God.

If you were forced to marry a person and then asked to learn to love the person, can you do it? Most of us can't and don't want to. You might as well be single.

Similar with God. Most people rather live without God. But with God, it's different. He
can't force us to love Him. It's more to accepting Him as the only way to be saved
(from eternal doom or hell). It's more to obeying Him for our own good. It's more to trusting that God will reward those who diligently seek Him.

We may feel like robots obeying God at times. But don't you realize that even in a
body-building or a sport you like, we get bored with the mundane routines and
uncertainties? i.e. practicing like robots? Discipline is all that's left when passion
disappears sometimes.

Perhaps it's the end result you're aiming for. You want to be a good player so you train hard. You wanna have nice body so you workout no matter how tough.

The end results for a christian is heaven,rewards on earth and heaven, character, spiritual character, etc.
We can't be so spiritual to say that we don't expect rewards lah...

;p

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envy towards sinners

You and I are sinners, right? Don't u dare say that u're good just because there are people worse than u..

We're all sinners la. Even chrisitians tend to get over-righteous and forget that they are actually sinners.

Have you ever felt envious toward sinners, i.e. people who do wrong stuff? What's worse, they get away with it or enjoy it.

This ain't the first time. One night before i slept, i was kinda disturbed and dissatisfied with things others could do and i had to fight not to do. I'm mainly talking bout wrong things that others can do and we christians have to say NO to.

Remember, not doing what is right is also wrong. Therefore, we're also burdened if we ignore the right things we have to do.

That night, i talked to God bout it briefly. Immediately after that, i somehow opened a book on my shelf to the date that day and guess what? Yup, the topic was bout envy towards sinners.

Do not envy sinners in your heart. Instead, continue to fear the LORD.
Proverbs 23:17

Here's a cross reference.
Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.
Proverbs 28:14

Clearly, it is a struggle for all christians.
Let's be real. Don't u feel it sometimes when others get to do stuff and u tell yourself not to?
Examples:
-being unequally yoked (not wrong but unwise and can lead to sin)
-sexual stuff (i'm sure understand,if u have hormones)
-when ur friend says they enjoyed it ....
-when u see others cheat and do other dishonest stuff
-lie
-gossip (even guys do it)
-they don't need to go to church(don't be surprised. I never knew it was a challenge 'til i was given the freedom to choose in uni. I've seen many chrisitians neglect this simply thing)
-curse and swear
-etc etc...in short, do whatever they feel like doing lah....

;p

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It takes the strong to love

In a previous post(my case against "chrisitians"), u might think i was offended by christians. Nope, I didn't write it because of me, i wrote it coz i was disappointed that a friend of mine was a victim of careless words, actions and lifestyles of my fellow christians. Of coz, i do have my share of problems with chrisitians la.

It's always tough to forgive but know this: God has forgiven us first.That's is why we learn to forgive others. Back to the title: it takes the strong to love.

What does it mean to be strong? I hear it used all the time. If a person can go through this and that, can do this or that, they're labeled strong. But let me say this: A truly strong person is one who can love despite the outcome.

If you really wanna be strong, learn to love others. Love is more of a choice than a feeling.

We know that we ought to love others as we love ourselves. It seems most ppl can only do the latter.

We can see that many people don't love themselves by taking drugs, doing this and that.But can u tell me how many really do not love themselves? If the bible can say that those who love themselves will lose their lives, then it is clear that many are lovers of themselves.

Some people don't bother about their outward appearance or how they live their life coz they think they are "ugly" or worthless or useless or etc. But they still do other things to so called love themselves e.g. : buy expensive stuff to pamper themselves; work hard at something to prove that they can do it. etc

I observed a "defense mechanism" developed by people who wanna prove they can do it( or that they are strong in a certain area). I have a friend who studied hard and was getting good grades. The reason behind it? She was always compared to her elder brother. So, she wants to prove that also can do it as good or better. She finally did it but i really doubt that she had the time to develop something more important: love for others.

So, to be able to love others, especially those who can hurt you, is the true trait of a strong person. U may achieve anything in life but if you fail to love, u fail...
This is not even a christian concept. Whether u wanna include God in your life or not, u can't live without love.

The christian life(or human life) was never meant to be lived solo. I know it's tough but God made humans for relationships. (Marriage is another issue altogether. It's a relationship that many find it better to be without.)

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